Yesterday, I came across something I’d written after a particularly frazzled morning routine last summer. I know you mummies out there will recognise the scenario, so I just had to share….
Friday 5 June 2015
It’s 8.21am and I’m at my desk. I’ve just come back from the final breakfast club / nursery run of the week and I feel like I need a lie down or a cocktail.
My morning so far…
Woken by 2 year old making a noise so irritating it compares with nails down a blackboard. This is his way of telling me he wants some milk.
Husband comes to say he’s going to work… don’t feel sorry for him. Yes, it’s early. But remember, he gets to spend the next 40 minutes in the car, by himself, whilst I on the other hand…
Exit from the shower as a result of non stop screaming from 2 year old who wants me to sit down and hold his hand.
Suggest to 2 year old that he might want to watch CBeebies by himself whilst I get dressed. It does not go down well. He starts screaming, throwing things and crying real tears…I cuddle him wearing just a towel with wet hair dripping.
2 year old is still screaming. Need to find something clean to wear for a meeting. Where’s the ironing basket…?
In search of ironing basket, find 5 year old in bed playing a game on the iPad (that’s how husband deals with children who wake up when he’s getting ready to go).
Tell 5 year old he needs to get his uniform on and I’ll be back in 5 minutes when he should be ready. Suggest he should put the iPad down as he’ll need both hands.
Locate ironing basket, can’t find what I’m looking for…go back to wardrobe in desperation…
Go back to 5 year old with 2 year old attached to my leg. He’s not dressed. He’s still playing the game. He asks what it means when the sky is purple at night…I tell him we’ll look it up on Google later…he asks what Google is…I say he’ll never find out if he doesn’t get dressed…
Have found some clothes to wear. Although I already feel a bit warm so wonder if I need to change. I remember it’s PE day so try to find black shorts. 2 year old has stopped screaming and found my lipgloss…
PE shorts found in toy kitchen oven – a standard hiding place. Now on the hunt for reward chart, water bottle, sun hat, reading record…
We should have left the house. 2 year old has squeezed lip gloss all over his clean clothes. And done a poo. I pick him up to get him cleaned up and changed.
Shout to 5 year old when elbow deep in nappy change…I hope you’re dressed now? Hear him jump up out of bed and rush to the bathroom.
Can’t find a sun hat for 5 year old. Realise Minion hat has been left outside in the rain and Spiderman hat is filthy…open every drawer and cupboard in both boys rooms in search of an alternative. Find a yellow cap. 5 year old says there’s no way he’ll wear it…cue total meltdown.
Everyone has calmed down. We negotiated on the hat front…he gets to stay up 5 minutes longer tonight if he lives with it. Lock bathroom door with all of us inside so no one can escape. Time to apply suncream to every limb.
Walk to school breakfast club. 5 year old decides he doesn’t want to go in. He clings to me and sobs. 2 year old doesn’t like 5 year old crying. He clings to me and sobs. Both are covered in suncream. My clean clothes now look like they have yellow stains everywhere.
Navigate my way through the wacky racecourse that is the nursery car park. Nursery now more secure than MI5. Finger print scanner won’t let me in. It starts to rain. 2 year old wipes his nose on my shoulder.
Hand over 2 year old. Resist the temptation to skip out of the building with relief. Get in car, drive home, ring husband to tell him how much I resent him right now. He laughs and says, ‘I can imagine’. This makes me resent him more.
Put kettle on. Wish I could watch a Made in Chelsea box set for the next 2 hours to recover. Wonder if I’ll have the energy to do some exercise today. But you know what, some days I just don’t feel like I have the bandwidth.